there are a lot of things I can admit about myself:
i dont really think im beautiful, at least not most of the time.
im constantly scared that Im destined to waist all my potential.
i procrastinate like a motherfucker.
my body image is not that great.
i am envious of a lot of other people.
im lazy.
im awkward.
i often times feel inadequate.
im afraid Im gonna go to hell.
im afraid people dont like me.
im a push over.
and ive never been kissed.

is it courageous that I can admit these things, even if only to myself most of the time. I don't really know, but I'd kinda like to hope so.
Of all these things, the one thing that bothers me the most is that I although I may be able to admit them, I don't really have the courage to change them. I try, I get "motivated", but nothing comes into fruition. It took me like forever just to write this blog. I want to change, but...

9:28pm aka My Glee Tribute

So Glee premieres in about 14 minutes and I am mucho excited. I love that show...it warms the heart. Plus I am definitely going to participate in a Glee flash mob some time during my life. Plus I really love that Arty...the wheel chair guy aka the new Jimmy is actually Kevin McHale former member of NLT...one of my favorite boy bands. Plus we were born on the same day, so that make him awesome by association. Well I'm gonna go wait it out for the show to start. I wonder whats with the premiere time.




P.S I really enjoy that Glee flash mob...makes my insides smile...plus i like how they are supposed to be like the characters.

....so here you go

This is my first article for Prototype Magazine...It was an interesting process writing...and I still can't/don't consider myself a journalist...but here you go:

Many months, countless heated debates, and a thousand bill pages later, Obama and the Democratic Party finally managed to pass health care reform. In general, this new law means health care and extended coverage for the American people, but what does it mean specifically for the average American woman.

It is no secret that, in the United States, our health care system was once working more against us than for us. Although this was common information, many American women weren’t and still aren’t aware of the gender politics that occurred in the health care system.

Women all across the country experience hiked up premiums, minimal health coverage, and have to deal with the yearly growing list of preexisting conditions that prevent them from receiving the care they need because insurance companies theorized that it’s too expensive to cover us. Because of our frivolous concerns such as breast cancer prevention, adequate prenatal care, menopause management, and sexual health, companies believe that women will over-utilize health care services, and therefore economically inflate the health care system more than men.

That debatable theory causes insurance companies to charge a mother who had a cesarean section, higher premiums than men who are morbidly obese, diabetics, or smokers. This blatant discrimination has left many American women, of all demographics, without healthcare which is not only dangerous to them but entire families. The absence of health care for women generally translates into the lack of health care for an entire family, and can turn into a cycle of uninsured unhealthy people.

With the passing of the health care bill, women have a renewed chance to manage their health and livelihood apart from their finances, and social standing. Health care reform means that the young single mother who doesn’t qualify for Medicaid has access to health coverage for her child through the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP), and significantly low cost insurance for herself in the coming years. For collegiate women and the unemployed college grad, it insures they can stay on their parents insurance while they focus on school and their career until the age of 26.

Pregnant women no longer have to worry that forgoing natural births, having epidurals, or motherhood in general will increase their insurance premiums. Women with sick children no longer have to be plagued with worry about how they will pay for their children’s treatment because effective immediately no sick child can be refused health care. Women who suffered through the terrors of domestic violence no longer have to go uninsured because their physical and mental scars are labeled as self-inflicted medical conditions.

In short, the passing of this historic health care reform symbolizes the beginning of the abolition of “gender rating”. It means simply in the words of speaker of the house Nancy Pelosi, that “being a woman will no longer be a preexisting medical condition.”
Contributor: Marcella D. Camara

http://prototypemagazine.ning.com/

Grandad, The Itis, and The Double Down.

Did KFC personally consult Grandad and Uncle Rukus when they created this sandwich. I feel like I am prone to a heart attack just by looking at this thing. Apparently people are really pissed at KFC for creating the Double Down, a sandwich containing 2 strips of bacon, Monterrey Jack cheese, and spicy sauce, all sandwiched between two pieces of chicken. A I has over 1000 calories...1500 I believe. I say: don't be pissed...just don't eat it. But they will, and they'll get fat...and die.

But seriously though this thing is vastly unhealthy, and I don't recommend consuming one on a regular basis...but trust me although it doest really look appealing... I'm gonna try one at least once...hopefully I don't get hooked...and die.

In conclusion I recommend that KFC pull a Robert Freeman real quick and put some bed in their restaurants because there's gonna be a whole lot of sleepy people around after they try the Double Down.







P.s I couldn't find the vid where the actually explain the itis...that part is hilarious.
P.S.S: Boondocks comes back in May!....

This is why I blog.

because when you blog...you happen upon other peoples blogs. And thus you find amazing tid bits of info and videos that make your insides smile. Today my insides smiled because of: ThoseGirls....ThoseGirlsRWild. Those girls being Shannon T. Boodram and Andrea Lewis (yes that Andrea Lewis...Hazel Aden of Degrassi).

Apparently Andrea and Shannon or Shandrea are besties and they started this website/blog about their daily ruminations, and issues that concern women and society in general. I stumbled across their blog when I somehow found their Nicki Minaj tribute video, which was freakin' hilarious. After that I was hooked, and now I frequent TGAW(yes we are on that acronym basis) quite frequently. Any who I really enjoy their quirkiness and insight...they just seem so genuine.
Just so ya know this makes #12 on my bucket list: Meet ThoseGirls and be in a Skit for TGAW.

P.S thanks Andrea for holding it down for the black girls on Degrassi...love that show man.

P.S.S-Mikey does indeed rock!

..the "Harajuku Barbie" gets melted.

Atleast I know I'm not alone in my dislike for Ms. Barbie herself.

Lauren showed me this today in APES, and all though I really can't lie because I did like that "Itty Bitty Piggy" freestyle, this girls verse was hard. I'm still debating wether she was really freestyling, but none the less it went hard.

Heres my deal with Nicki Minaj:

She is fake. She is a slwhore. She wouldn't be famous if everyone wasn't on Wayne and Drakes d. Besides the fact that I don't appreciate women perpetuating hyper sexual images for financial gain, I also can't stand the chick because she is a walking talking gimick. She is a pure product of the music industry, and people think its cool to like her because she was "underground". From what I have heard and seen about her I have gathered that she didn't used to be like that. She was acutaly a femal MC that was about something, and just changed herself to sell records. Whatever I know the chick could care less what I think about her, but all I have to say is get your ish together Onika (yes, I googled her ass...don't judge me)

P.S the ish she spits about is not even hot...have you heard that BFF song "would you like some rice with that"...wtf.

Flow Stoopid.

Diggy - Made you look Freestyle (Flow Stoopid) from Diggy Simmons on Vimeo.

I am feeling pretty sorry for JoJo Simmons right now. How you gonna get lyrically shitted on by your 14 y.o kid brother, dude. I remembered seeing that Diggy had a mixtape out on "The Clearance Aisle" and randomly decided to look it up today. I am currently in the process of downloading the mixtape as I type, but from the reviews I read, and the vids of I seen I gather that the kid is pretty dope. I guess he will be Rev. Runs...true successor...sorry JoJo.

Is it just me or has Diggys voice drastically changed...I wouldnt be able to tell that it was him if I didnt know who I was listening to. But anyways once I download I'll be back with my thoughts.

cha cha cha

...hey I just downloaded this little blogger buddy thing from windows website, and its what I am posting from as we speak. It seems quite nifty I like! lol...well todays been an interesting day...sucky but good at the same time. start my first day of work tmrw. Also have a project due for APES which is done but i still have to put together. I'm kinda in a mood right now, therefore I'm drowning it out with some Wale "Back to the Feature"...This is truly a good mixtape. Its has so many deminsions, and is truly a credit to hip hop...plus its making me feel quite nice right now...I was gonna do a smiley face right there but its dark now and I cant find the semi colon...soooo good night

...God's on my side

This has been an amazing week...and it's only friggin Tuesday.
For one thing I got a job yesterday. The nursing home DeBerry recommended me to gave me a freakin job. And right on time because I am one broke negro. I really need to pay for my cap and gown, and the kid needs a new mp3 player.

2nd a few minutes ago, my sisters friend asked me to write for her magazine. Not an online magazine, or a printer paper newsletter type thing, but an actual magazine. I'm not too sure if I will be getting paid, but I think I am! I think I am going to be writing about fashion, and if so this will give me the chance to build my resume...all I can say is wow

My senior year has been pretty major so far: got into my #1 pick school, got my cna, SGA, promoted to event planner in YNN, and on top of all that I got basically two jobs one where I'll be making major bank and practicing for my career in midwifery, and the other wear I'll be able to let the creative juices flow...man its all so very sick

i'm so glad these opportunities have come at this specific time because lately I have been having this feeling. I have been feeling like maybe I'll be a failure in life...that maybe I'll get to the end of my life and have nothing to be proud of. I see so many adults with careers where their basically just counting the days till retirement, and with such dreadfully boring and uneventful lives. I don't want that for myself when I'm older. I want to have a life I can be happy with. Now with all these new opportunities I feel like I am moving in a positive direction ( minus my laziness...yeah that needs to be worked on) this makes me excited for whats to come!

I spent Valentines with a bunch of chicks...

...and loved it! I had so much fun last night with Tan, Sheinetta, Gelly Bean, and Sharon. They acted as my Valentines for the year. Believe it or not Valentines day is my favorite holiday although I have never had a boyfriend, therefore I've never celebrated it with anyone. It's just adorable to see people in love. But we had lots of fun: We went to Chili's and ran into Jazzy Hill (she got into Princeton, the Princeton...WOW), and although we couldnt see a movie because Southpoint was so packed, we walked around and chilled, and later we went to Duke and got free ice cream. Although I couldnt get my praline pecans i still had so much fun! I tried to document the night with pictures but that didn't work out so well. We caught up on lots of drama. like how some of our middle school counterparts are in jail, while others pop pills now...shame And I cussed like a sailor and drove crazily, plus I had a tiny spat with the guy at the ice cream shop, and ran into some old co workers. Oh yeah and froze my butt off in netted stockings, high waist skirt, and chuck taylors ( we dressed up for each other, but I refused to wear heels to the mall, and embarrass myself.) Oh YEAH! and we had an incident with a very hott Iraninan boy who works at the Great Wraps restaurant...actually i'm pretty sure his parents own it. but any ways, he goes to Angelicas school and she wants to go to prom with him, but naturally didn't want to ask. so of course we along with some assistants from one of Tandrels counterparts we spotted, chatted him up and got his phone number for her. we think he might have g'd us because when we call and txt'd he didn't answer. All in all, a very fun and memorable night.

This is kind of a break up song...but i guess its still fitting of the holiday

...Rude Boy

Todays Ruminations aka Cella and her moods

today was a pretty decent day. I had so much fun with the kids at bright horizons. It's amazing how excited and happy little kids can be. I was a little leery of switching off infant room every other day, but I am glad because those kids are hilarious. It warmed my heart to see them get excited about giving out valentines, and see the new girl get acclimated to the new pre- school.

When I got back to school my mood took a slight turn, and got a little down again. This has been happening a lot this week, so I should probably just disregard it, but it is worrying me a tad. My mood swings are partially because of Chemistry, that class is stressing the shit out of me. I can barely stay awake, and I am completely unmotivated. YNN and student council, as well as preparing for college are other factors, but I realized today that the biggest one of all is just that I AM COMPLETELY OVER IT. Everything from gossip to drama, and unsupportive friends. All the disorginization and stupid clubs...the friggin' crowded hall ways, and the b.s adults try to force feed me. In a nutshell: high school. I am completely and utterly over HIGH SCHOOL.

It's nothing to shed tears over...I mean their are exactly 78 school day left to that faithful day of graduation. I'm not gonna lie...I probably will miss it. There were and definitely are good times. Laughter and memories and all that shit. But I guess high school just didn't give me what I needed. Not that it was supposed to...I mean it is just high school. Filled with immature man children and quitas. I guess I just find it severely messed up that I consider some of my teachers way better friends than some of the people who call themselves my best friends. In reality they are...my teacher friends are more supportive, honest, and honestly a lot more fun and all my level than tons of the people i have "befriended" cough cough. All in all I guess I've just lacked someone my age to talk to...someone I can be real with. I hope I find that at ECU.

I don't wanna hype college up and not get what I want out of it, but I hope I enjoy it a lot more than high school.

getting fly was only the beginning.

So I am probably super late on this but judging by the cover I'm sure it was super dope. Downloading it as I type. I dig 9th Wonder, not only because he's from Durham, but because the kid is talented. I dig Wale, not only because he is African, but because he is pretty epic. Now both of these kids on a mixtape together = major flyness. I swear I almost had a seizure when I saw this pic!
Well once again I should be studying so I'm gonna go do that, while I listen to this mixtape of course.

At the Library...I found more love for my country.

I am supposed to be studying but find myself side tracked with Youtube and Wale. In the recommended vids I saw this vid about Liberia. Its called "The Vice Guide To Travel Liberia". It is basically about the war in Liberia that went on. It was seriously hard to watch, it showed a side of Liberia that i was never truly introduced to because I wasn't raised there. It made me feel selfish for taking my life in America for granted when I have aunts, uncles, cousins, and even a parent who had to live thought that chaos. Even after all those feelings it made me feel a little bit more love for my Liberian heritage and my big crazy Liberian family. I realize that although its all well in great to have this swelling pride for being Liberian American, I need to educate myself more about it's history and the things that are taking place their now. For one thing I wasn't aware that Charles Taylor was on trial at the Hague right now, and I always thought that the story about Charles Taylor eating Doe was a myth. Any who it was really unsettling to watch, but I am glad that I got to know more about my country, and to see that their are natives and outside people who are trying to help rebuild what the civil war destroyed. I also liked it because I think Liberians have the most beautiful accents + that one guy reminded me of my Uncle Thomas.

Any who the whole thing made me decide to start the Zigbuo family blog...tentatively titled "Love on the Big Road" (cause Zigbuo means big road....get it..ha!)
I'll get it up tonight hopefully starting out with some pics from grandpas party, this vid, as well as a high light on someone in the family and an event calendar.
I'm mucho excited about it all...but i need to get back to studying for my APES test tomorrow, so all though its been real I bid you adieux.

I just found out who this girl, Kesh, was yesterday. Someone on Tumblr was debating the similarities and differences between her and Va$htie. They do have a few similarities, but none the less I really like them. Especially Kesh. They are both renaissance women, leaving in big cities, handling their b.i and finding inspiration for their art.

Reading Kesh's blog makes me feel like I can be a succesful Midwife, a community activist, and start my fashion line. People say it's inpossible, but I don't think so. I can do it and these girls prove it. Plus they both have sick style. Kesh has this kinda girly vintage thing going on and Va$ht has this couture tomboy thing, which I love. They are both super fly, and I think I have a mixture of their styles.

Overall they inspire me...just in case you were wondering what the purpose of this post it.